First item: my promotion at work was made official today. I'm now making $10,000 MORE every year. This makes me happy! The job is a step up from what I've been doing, but I think it should be pretty easy...ish. We'll see. I am now authorized to fire people. I'm going to be doing hiring, too, and scheduling. It should be interesting. (I don't have to wear an apron or hat anymore. I'm more than happy to get rid of the hat, but I'm going to have to buy some roomier-around-the-waist jeans or lose weight before I feel comfortable walking around with a polo shirt tucked into my jeans. Yuck. But of course, I want to lose weight anyway.) ...Even though I've learned lots of people/social skills through Bread and Company, I still don't like having to be confrontational with the employees at work. I guess that's not something that you ever get over, though. Nobody likes firing people.

Second item: I'm locking my door all the time now (or...I'm trying to remember to lock it all the time). Why? Matt and I were watching Fried Green Tomatoes last night when a guy who was employed as an assistant manager at B&C for about two weeks dropped by. He was drunk or high or something -- basically unable to form (or at least communicate) a cohesive thought. I should have told him to leave since he was being loud and very annoying, but I didn't. I'm too polite sometimes. I don't know if "polite" is the right word. At any rate, he ended up trying to kiss me in the kitchen and hitting Matt (like...not just a slap). After Matt got mad at him and told him to leave. The guy was in the Marines and apparently it really fucked him up in the head, because last night was utterly ridiculous. He could have had a knife or a gun in his car.

Third item: it's been snowing off and on all day, and it's been SO gorgeous. This is the best kind of snow: big, dry flakes that melt when they touch the ground. Lovely.

Fourth item: I put duct tape on Hobbes' and Seamus' hind paws today because I was bored. Seamus was pretty chill about it, but Hobbes was pretty hilarious. I really, really, REALLY want to trim the whiskers on one side of Seamus' head...but that's just too mean. Maybe I'll do it the next time he pees on my clothes, when I'm good and mad at him.

Fifth item: I made mulled wine last night, and it was good. I ran out of cinnamon sticks and whole cloves, so it wasn't as good as usual. I need to go the International Market on Belmont to get more cinnamon sticks. I like wine. Tasty stuff. I think Matt and I are going to Dalt's tonight where they have 2 for 1 well drinks on Wednesdays. Kelli, if you're reading this, I think of you every time I hear the word "well" (when it's describing drinks, that is).

Sixth item: there isn't one.

I'm being a little emotional right now....

I knew that giving Sarah up for adoption/getting knocked up in the first place would be a life-changing event...so I don't know why I'm surprised to still be feeling this way so often.

A fellow English major at Lipscomb is pregnant. I think we were in the same graduating class. Our circumstances are fairly similar -- both from a religious background, both went to Lipscomb, both broke up with our respective boyfriends after finding out that we were pregnant. But she decided to keep her daughter, and apparently she just had a baby shower because she's just been tagged in a bunch of pictures on Facebook.

And ... do you know how sad those pictures make me? How they make me want to cry?

I ... I'm a little afraid of being emotional, I think. This whole thing with Sarah has put me in touch with emotions and taught me a bit of how to deal with them, but feeling all this still seems unnatural.

Which is bullshit, because it's completely natural for a mother to grieve losing her daughter. (A decision I don't regret for a second...but a decision that I wish to God I had never had to make.)

*sigh*

a somewhat reluctant admission:

I think that I can admit that I'm addicted to coffee. For the longest time, I would drink a lot some days but none other days. Lately, I have at least four shots of espresso every day that I work (which is 6 out of 7) and when I woke up today, I had a headache.

So I made some coffee (coffee presses are the only way to go, by the way), and now I feel better.

Damn.

$$money$$

Dollar signs are so tacky.

I just did three very productive things.

1. I e-filed my tax return. (I'm getting twice as much money this year as last year. Don't know why. But I think I'm going to buy a new bed. Katie gave me her old one, and it makes me so nervous. It's a very pretty wooden frame, but not stable. It creaks and moans whenever I sit on it. Plus, it's a twin bed. A bigger one would be very nice.)

2. I'm way ahead on my credit card payments, which is great. (Just paid online.)

3. I paid my Comcast bill, which was huge and late. I kinda forgot about it.

So, I have all my money-related issues out of the way for the time being. Next pay check I'll have more bills, but I don't need to think about that for another week at least.

All this faux-productivity (because, really, I've been lounging on couch doing all this stuff on the computer, which makes it hard for me to claim to have been really truly productive) makes me want to clean up. The dishes are piling up, and I need to sweep everywhere. ...Which I'll do in a few minutes. Just as soon as I post this.

My horoscope for today was interesting. I don't give daily horoscopes a bit of credibility, mind you. I do read them sometimes, though. Just 'cause they can be interesting. Today mine told me, "Seek substantial nourishment. You can't build muscle on a stead diet of candy. In much the same way, brainpower is built through stimulating conversation and a diet of factual information." That's pretty spot-on advice for me right now. I've been spending my time eating and watching the Simpsons lately -- not substantial nourishment. It's making me feel lazy. (Um, that statement was perhaps a bit circular, I know.) BASICALLY, I need to start reading more and more. Lots lots more. That, and I need to awaken my artistic side. I haven't been doing much of that lately at all. I'm thinking that maybe some Oliver Sacks would be good. That...and maybe some theology or philosophy.

Now, to clean up. (Later, I have an excuse to go shopping -- I only have on pair of jeans that I can wear to work, having gotten paint on my other good pair. The third pair is falling apart anyway.)

shredded paper towels, etc.

this apartment wouldn't be so hard to keep clean if the cats didn't live here. i sorta left a roll of paper towels in the dining room (on a shelf, mind you), and every time i come back home the pieces are smaller and smaller. probably there will just be a bunch of paper towel dust in there pretty soon. i guess i could sweep it up...and probably will....

today has been odd so far. it's my day off, so i woke up around 10am and eventually made my way to provence for lunch. (i ran into stacia there -- mark freeman's wife -- and she recognized me! i was surprised considering the fact that purple aprons and hats make everyone look pretty much the same.) after provence i went somewhere else to get something else (it's not what you're thinking, i promise). then i ended up at cafe coco where i successfully worked a sudoku.

but i've felt out-of-synch with the universe today. i don't know why. and i can't even explain it other than to say that my alignment was off. something wasn't right. (i'm home now, and other than having a headache, everything's back to normal.) i want to take a nap but am afraid that when i wake up, it will be worse. sometimes naps are wonderful; other times, they're just disorienting.

so i think i'm going to take a bath. baths are so DELIGHTFUL!! i love them.

but before that, i'm going to find individual vases for each of the dozen roses i bought at the fresh market earlier today. some of them might have to go in beer bottles because i don't know what happened to all my perrier bottles. probably in blanche.

(flowers and sunny days and baths. ahhhh.) (and i'm listening to john rutter. ahhhh!)

this is what happened to me this morning.

Work wasn't so great today. Nothing big happened to stress me out, but I think it was several small things. Perhaps it also had something to do with the fact that I hadn't eaten (unless you count caffeine as a food), since I just ate some leftover pizza and already feel better. I hate having to be anal about keeping rules that I thing are silly. (For example, we're not allowed to give people regular cups if all they want is water...and customers don't understand the reasoning behind that so they just get mad at us since we won't give them what they want. I'd just as soon give them a regular cup if they ask -- most people don't even ask. But I can't be inconsistent. Ugh.)

Brittany came in to work today. I was on break so I sat down and talked to her for a couple of minutes. She has such a basketball-belly. I almost forget that she's pregnant until I see her. (She's really cute.) Seeing her elicits such mixed feelings in me, which drives me crazy. On one hand, I'm happy for her and Austin, of course. On the other hand though, it just reminds me of Sarah and how she's in Kentucky, not here. I still get weepy about it very occasionally. I haven't been hanging out with Brittany lately (actually, not even once since she found out that she was pregnant -- and we were going out several times a week before that)...is there a subtle reluctance on both sides? I wonder if she feels slightly uncomfortable around me. Hm.

I think we might hang out tomorrow, though. Which is good.

I also think I'm going to take a promotion at work. There are a lot of reasons that I want to; the only reasons I'm reluctant are that it's a bit more responsibility, and that I have to make a verbal one-year commitment to that position. I'm okay with that, really...it just goes against my tendency to not ever commit to anything. I'll probably have decided by tomorrow ....

I am eating a salad

I need to eat more salads and less Wendy's. This one is mesclun mix, cucumber, tomato, eggs, and cheddar cheese. With Ranch dressing. I forget how much I like salads.

I need to cook more and eat out less, anyway. Mom got me a subscription to this food/recipe magazine and I received the first one a couple of days ago. Lots of easy, tasty-looking meals in there. And cooking is generally cheaper than eating out all the time (those organic vegetables are expensive, though!). We had chicken quesadillas and dip last night, which I made. The dip turned out pretty well (made it a la Rosenbaum ... refried beans, cheese, sour cream, salsa...added some diced tomato and onion and red bell pepper). The quesadillas were okay. I used this frozen chicken breast and put fajita seasoning on it, but I didn't like it much. Oh well. Practice.

happy valentine's day!

it's 8:15 am and I'm lounging on the couch, watching the Simpsons and drinking coffee.

it's really good coffee, too. I went to Whole Foods last week to look at their coffee selection and found several different blends from Rembrandt's, a coffee shop in Chattanooga. it's a damn good coffee shop, and they roast their own beans and all. that coffee shop is one of the reasons that I toy with thinking about moving to Chattanooga every now and then. it's such a good city.

but this coffee is really good, which means that I didn't grind the beans too finely, that I got the water to coffee ratio right, that the water was at the right point between simmering and boiling...etc. Anyway, it's good.

but I'm awake and watching TV this early in the morning because I had to go in to open the store this morning. my GM takes the bus and it doesn't run out to Belle Meade until around 7am. and we open at 6:30. I'm closing today...which isn't so exciting because I don't like any of the closers. oh well.

so I left work after James got there at 7, and then decided that I wanted breakfast. so I stopped by Kroger and bought some bacon (because I love it!), some orange juice, bread, and some strawberry jam. I already had eggs and tomatoes. and Mmmm, it was good.

(yeah. so I'm in love, and I like it. btw.)

I've been trying to keep my apartment cleaner lately. a couple of reasons motivate me; for one, Matt's here all the time and sometimes I don't like other people thinking that I'm a slob. for another reason, I've figured out that I actually like being here a lot more when it's clean. makes me feel better.

life seems so surreal sometimes. I wonder why.

okay, I think I'm going back to bed now.

a new blog

I haven't been writing enough lately at all.

I always told myself that I would never let a boyfriend monopolize my time, but I'm afraid that promise was unrealistic. Or something. Because Matt definitely takes up all of my free time...and I'm actually fine with that, so far.

But anyway. I've been working a TON lately because 1) a bunch of people recently quit, and 2) everyone who didn't quit is sick. It hasn't been so bad because I'm not sick (I wonder what part of my lack-of-flu is because of the flu shot I got and what part is because of my healthy immune system)...and I'm going to have a fuck ton of overtime. Which will be GREAT because I'm sorta low on cash right now.

And as soon as I get paid, I'm going to a nursery to buy plants. I would do that today but, like I said, need to save my money for necessities (like gas and cigarettes).

I'm going to shower now. I think Matt's coming over in an hour or so. We're going to a park this afternoon, I think. It's such a perfect day for that -- BEAUTIFUL outside!

Katie, this post is for you. Of course.